Sunday, August 19, 2012

it’s a god damn LILO primer

Louis and Liam are the worst things that ever happened to me and I’m here to explain why and possibly ruin your life as well. Because that’s how I roll. I share the pain and suffering. Mass quantities of pictures/gifs/etc of the non-Lohan, non-animated Lilo inside.

This is part 4 of the ship-Liam-with-everyone primer series. Go here for Part 1 (Niall/Liam), here for Part 2 (Harry/Liam), here for Part 3 (Zayn/Liam), and here for the general Liam Payne primer.

(I considered splitting this up into two posts because it’s really large. I can still do that if people would like, just let me know.)

Lilo is my favorite. I’m just going to get that out of the way now in case it was somehow unclear before. Their relationship has literally all the things. All of them. If it is a thing, it is part of Lilo. This entire introductory paragraph is just here to say that I will be totally incoherent and flaily and will probably deviate from canon more than once in this primer. I am not sorry for it. I will be totally embarrassed by it, though.

All the things, like I said.

I think Liam explaining his first meeting with Louis does a pretty good job of succinctly summing up their dynamic:

Liam: I’d met you (Louis) once and you were really quiet which is kind of strange now because you’re the loudest person ever.

Liam: It’s really strange because you’re the loudest person in the band.

Louis clearly didn’t stay quiet for very long, as anyone who has seen even a second of their X Factor video diaries can attest to. And Liam was not terribly accustomed to loud people. So he and Louis took a little while to warm up to each other.

Liam: … to be thrown together like that and have to get to know each other so quickly was a bit scary. We’re all quite different as well, so we did bicker occasionally. I had lots of friends at school, but they weren’t all that outgoing, and Louis is so outgoing that at first I was a bit wary of him.

Okay so this really isn’t a Liam/Louis pic, but look at it. This is early-days Liam when he thought he was in a real boyband instead of a cuddles cult. You can tell because a) he’s not reciprocating Louis’s touch and b) he’s attempting to sex up the camera. Early-days Liam still has a lot to learn. Don’t worry, Louis will teach him.

Still unfortunate styling and no touching. (Well Liam is not touching anyone. I’m pretty sure cropped out of this pic is Harry being groped by Louis and vice versa.)

Louis just wants to love you, Liam. Don’t look so awkward. Smile like a real boy. Maybe put your hand on his back or his shoulder or something. He won’t bite. (lol, jk, he will bite. Spoilers! /RiverSong)

Crying at this. Liam, why don’t you have your shirt on? (I mean, yes, you work out clearly. But you’re 17 and you straighten your hair and blow dry your shoes and no one needs/wants that, okay?) Basically the theme here is Louis touches Liam and Liam does not touch Louis back.

I’m guessing Louis just jumped on Liam a lot and yelled random things at him and did things like make out with his hair while they were doing interviews. Anyway, Liam is still attempting to process all the Louis-generated stimuli.

Liam is confused by Louis. The rest of the world is doubly confused because we have to read about a confusing Louis through a Liam-tweet-filter. It’s like an instagram filter, but instead of making everything vaguely sepia-toned, it makes everything vaguely incomprehensible.

But even though everything was weird and crazy and Louis is probably a handful for anyone to get used to being around 24/7, they managed to bond and be happy.

Liam: [Louis is] a big influence on everyone in the band because he’s the eldest and he has a sense of leadership, so he’ll take charges of emails or phone calls from management. I’m more on the creative side, so I think we both want to take the lead in different ways, which meant it took us a bit longer to bond. We get on brilliantly now, though. As soon as we were honest with each other it worked, and we’ve ended up being really close friends.

They just needed to be honest with each other, y’all. ;_; Now they’re really close friends. But yeah, they are definitely the two who take “leadership” positions in the band, seeing as there is no true front man. Louis is the oldest by over a year and has like five billion younger siblings and, despite outward appearances, can actually be mature. Liam, at the time, had the most large-scale performing experience (with X Factor and 2 years of significant gigging) and generally seemed the most deadly serious about making the band work. (To the point where everyone had him pegged as the angsty, emo child who maybe hated everybody and thought he was above it all. Which. LOL.) So yes. Once they got their act straightened out they just WORKED SO HARD together to make the band work out. Okay? Okay.

This early Twitcam the band did is a perfect example of that (0:00 - 0:50 or so). (At least in my headcanon which, not going to lie, could be totally fabricated.)

Basically Zayn and Harry are arguing about something (I don’t know what and it’s really not important). Something happens off camera (0:22-ish) and Zayn calls Harry a “miserable twat” (0:30). Anyway, the reason this is relevant is because then Liam and Louis attempt to distract from the bickering in the background in totally typical ways. Liam starts enthusiastically answering tweets and Louis starts ironing his chest. And it’s adorable how hard they’re trying to make things less awkward. Does this belong in a Lilo primer? Probably not. But I. have. a. lot. of. feelings. about. these. two. okay? (EVERYTHING is Lilo in my head.)

So yeah. They got along and Liam began embracing the art of the cuddle.

We’ve upgraded to one hand tentatively draped across a shoulder. (Also, I like pointing out how much taller Liam appears to be than Louis in a lot of these pics.)

Kind of out of place, but illustrating height difference because I can. (… Liam has broad shoulders, too.)

Look! That’s almost snuggling.

Closeness and embracing his inner dork. Proximity to Louis has taught him well. You don’t always have to be serious, Liam. #MissionAccomplished

And really after the flood gates to playful dorkitude opened, they never closed again. Lilo is the ship of being totally goofy and stupid and immature because why not, I say. Why. Not. Or as Louis would say,

Louis: If I’m going to be stupid and immature, a lot of the time it’s with Liam – we’ve really clicked.

Liam’s shirt says “Louis.” Louis is pointing to it. Because this is the sort of thing that amuses them.

Louis’s response to Liam’s guess was “No it was Amazing Grace!!!" This is also the sort of thing that amuses them. Dorks. Idiots. BEST PEOPLE EVER.

Five year olds. They are five year olds. “LOUIS!! It’s MY turn to play with the car!!!”

Just boys with toys. Boys who tweet about their new toys.

And play with toys in interviews. Keeping in mind that they’re in separate interviews while this is going on. Not that either of them care at all because they have toys to play with and must shoot each other.

Boys playing with toys at FREAKING MOVIE PREMIERES. Also boys looking pretty while holding toys.

Ridiculous humans pulling ridiculous faces at meet & greets because they can.

Perfectly acceptable behavior for famous people in public. Mostly, though, hi Liam’s bicep, hi.

So that picture in itself does not look all that immature. But there’s this fan story behind it:

Preston was right in front of me, and had warned me about throwing candy on stage b/c it could hit them, so I slid it on when they were changing. And then Liam defeated the entire purpose by starting a candy fight with Louis; here, he’s holding a Yorkie bar…

Favorite part was when Liam threw a Starbar and narrowly avoided taking Louis’ face apart, Preston looked at me, sighed, and rolled his eyes so hard I thought they might fall out of his head.

Candy fights, guys. I don’t even know what to say. No, actually, I do. They are everything I’ve ever wanted from fandom.

So. So. So. Stupid.

Why not wrap a Canadian flag around Liam like he’s Little Red Riding Hood?

Honestly they are stupid on stage a lot. They enjoy synchronized “dancing” which makes them look like lovable doofuses (doofi?).

Can you do the can-can?


These only count as dance moves by One Direction’s standards.

Not only are they wearing monstrously ridiculous hats, they also have their arms locked together.

Louis is not impressed by Liam’s muscles.

They amuse each other with random costume items:

Still five year olds. Well-dressed five year olds, though.

Hahahaha look we’re emptying out the salt onto the counter during the middle of a performance. Even Zayn is judging them for being stupid. And Zayn has a freaking Batman onomatopoeia tattooed on his arm.

I have comments about this that are not related to how nice Liam looks but none of them are coming to my mind right now. Oh here’s one: Zayn still does not approve.

Goofy. Idiots. With some secret handshake that actually ends in a butt-five.

Once they taped themselves together for no apparent reason and walked around like that for a bit. Because this a totally logical thing to do and makes you look cool and what not.

Unless tying each other up with things is like a theme and idk idk, I’m not here to judge.

They bond over being the most mature and the least mature all at the same time. It’s an impressive feat, if you ask me. Although, Louis had to work a bit to get Liam to jump from being plain childish and stupid to being mischievous.

Louis: Liam is quite sensible… He kind of brings us down a level if we’re being a bit too mischievous.

This is Liam trying to bring Louis down a level. (It doesn’t work.)

Why is Louis laying on the ground and making Liam lift him up to fake some semblance of normalcy? Is “to bother Liam Payne” not enough of a reason for you? At this point I think Louis’s biography reads, “Louis Tomlinson takes incredible joy from causing Liam Payne mild distress and if he were ruler of the world, his first act would be to criminalize the utterance of the word ‘carrot.’”

And cause Liam Payne mild distress he does. A lot:

Just the Tommo doing his absolute best to fluster Liam before an interview. All in a day’s work. I mean, directly after this Liam barely audibly says “oh shit” under his breath and asks to restart the interview because of it. The point being: Liam has zero mischief points right now and it makes Louis sad.

Once, Liam ripped his trousers:

Unsurprisingly it was Louis’s fault.

Louis thought it would be fun to draw attention to it on stage.

And not a fuck was given.

Liam, Duke of Earnest Tweets, meets Louis, Prince of Irreverently Crapping All Over Your Earnesty.

Lou’s reaction in the second gif is killing me, firstly. Louis will never miss an opportunity to embarrass Liam. Never. It is his sole goal in life, as you can see. (lol, poor innocent Liam. You’ll get better with the innuendo some day.)

Liam has his serious face on and some weird mic point going on. Louis openly mocks it. And then they laugh about it together and grin like besties.

Louis could’ve just told Liam quietly and let him fix it without the embarrassment. But where would the fun in that be? Much more entertaining to announce it to the entire audience and play, “guess the Liam reaction!” The Liam reaction is always “too precious for words,” though, so it’s not a very difficult game to play.

See? Not a particularly hard game here, though it is endlessly rewarding.

Louis also gets a little mileage out of poking fun at Liam’s superhero-like bravery. Because Liam is a cliche who says overly sappy things and tries to protect people with some odd sense that it’s his duty. What I’m getting at is that Liam is Steve Rogers and if you disagree you are wrong.

It makes me so happy that this is one of Louis’s first impressions of Liam. Like, I can imagine Louis just sitting there, watching as Liam puts on his serious, brave face and marches out into the darkness to defend these poor, innocent children from danger, and thinking to himself, “… is this guy real? And how can I use this to mess with him physically and emotionally for the next two years?”

Fan: If you were stranded on a desert island, who would be eaten?
Louis: Liam would probably try to be a hero and get eaten.

Harry: Whenever we’re in a hotel, if there’s like a little bit of danger - one time, a fire alarm went off. I peered out of my room. Liam was out there and he was like, “stay in your rooms, boys.”

Liam: Nobody listens to me anyway.

Liam is a hero. Louis likes to give him crap for it. So Louis is Iron Man. (I spend a lot of my time casting One Direction in other ensembles, okay? I have strong opinions about these things.)

Liam is just trying to do his job, Louis. STOP MESSING WITH HIM. (Never stop messing with him.) If Liam had pigtails, Louis would be pulling them in this gif set.

Sometimes Louis just needs to lower Liam’s mic stand.

Maybe the best screwing with Liam ever? Because during a radio interview, obviously the logical thing to do is pour water into your bandmate’s hands. Liam, why haven’t you learned by now? Why was the only choice you had to drink it? YOU CAN POUR IT OUT AGAIN INTO A CUP, BRO. Liam, maybe people would mess with you less if you weren’t so easy to mess with. (And if they didn’t have schoolgirl crushes on you, obviously.)

But I’m pretty sure Louis made it his sole mission to get Liam to join the dark side. Like, just constantly goading him into doing things.

Liam: We were in a really posh restaurant in LA doing a video and Louis dared me to throw a glass of water over him. So in the middle of the restaurant, I just picked up the glass of water and lobbed it all over him. Louis always likes to test people with stuff like, ‘I bet you won’t throw soup at me!’ And who doesn’t want a free invitation to lob soup at Louis?

Louis: It was kind of an interesting thing for me because I was thinking, he might do it, he might not. And he did! It was hilarious.

"And who doesn’t want a free invitation to lob soup at Louis?" Is there anything better than how much they enjoy assaulting each other? I don’t think there is. But anyway, all the poking and prodding at Liam clearly worked as intended because, yes, now Liam lobs his metaphorical soup at Louis.

You did this, Louis. You have no one but yourself to blame.

His wallpaper is a picture of Louis looking… less than good.

I just enjoy how casually Liam goes to squeeze the water bottle.

Mutual mock adoration while watching the Up All Night Tour DVD. Like, oh my stars and garters, Liam Payne is that sarcasm coming out of your mouth? My word, young man.

Okay, so this seems like Liam just antagonizing Louis out of the blue. It’s not. Earlier in the interview, Louis dropped a pen in Liam’s juice. Yes, that blue thing in Liam’s cup? That’s a pen. A fry seems pretty tame in comparison. (But still, you’ve made a monster, Louis. A MONSTER.)

They have such passionate hatelove for each other. It’s the perfect cocktail to fill my cold, unfeeling soul.

That’s for lowering his mic stand.

And that’s just because.

But they’re probably at their best when they combine forces to randomly troll other people together.

Gone are the days when Liam tried to have any control in interviews. Look at this comedy duo go. Or like that entire week in Australia/New Zealand when all Louis and Liam did was randomly bark during interviews? And I have no idea why? Because this band has the most ridiculous inside jokes that I do not get and, let’s be real, they probably don’t make very much sense even if you’re on the inside.

Here’s where they decided to troll the paparazzi for a bit by having a “pap of the week” thing going. If Zayn and Louis are partners in crime, Liam and Louis are partners in minor annoyance.

fljewilfajlskjfliawelifasjdlfjalw ohmygod ilovethem. KEYSMASH. Trolls. The both of them.

That is Louis and Liam hiding Niall’s microphone while he’s playing the guitar. Because they are both douchebags and I love them for it.  I love that Liam can just like hand Louis the mic without Louis even flinching. Just, yeah bro, I got you. LET’S DO THIS! LEEEROY JEEENKINS.

Okay so this doesn’t really belong in this section but I had to include it because they are both giving Zayn some major side-eye. Lilo does not approve. It’s probably that microphone tattoo. (This is now my headcanon.)

But this does belong here. Because that is them dragging Zayn across the floor. Why?!? I don’t know. I. don’t. know. This is probably Zayn’s punishment for judging their stupidity earlier.

It’s not enough to just mock Harry’s pain, they have to go rub it in his face. Literally. Ugh, they are both such cuddly, precious, stupid assholes and they are totally horrible together AND LOOK AT LOUIS WITH HIS HEAD PRESSED INTO LIAM’S NECK AS LIAM SQUEEZES HIM IN THAT LAST GIF. WORST.

Moral of the story:

Although, Louis still hasn’t corrupted Liam entirely. He’s still working on this one thing.

Interviewer: Liam, obviously you can’t drink.
Louis: Why can’t he drink? He can drink.
Liam: I can drink, I just choose not to.
Louis: Let me tell you, he used to say in interviews that he can’t drink. We researched it, he can drink. He was using it as an excuse. Ever since, we’ve been trying to corrupt him.

This was so important to Louis that he researched it.

Louis doesn’t care about your stupid Twitcam, Liam. He just wants you to get wasted with him.

But he’s getting closer…

Even went with him to a club…

Lol no sorry, Lou. Liam still refuses drinks like an adorable puppydogmanchildteddybear despite having two working kidneys.

But Liam and Louis do lots of other things that don’t involve getting wasted. Because Louis is a generally high-energy person who appears to have skin made of rubber that allows him to constantly bounce off walls and Liam is an excitable, easily distracted cartoon bunny who is always looking for a new shiny object to pursue. So they end up spending a lot of time together going on various adventures.

Bungee jumping!

I like to pretend this was them taking a roadtrip to the beach. Liam is slightly terrified because he’s seen Louis drive before.

Where they surf. A lot. And Liam was so excited about surfing with Louis, too. It was adorable.

Fan: What are you most excited for when you visit Australia?
Liam: I was most excited to surf with the Tommo.

In my head, Liam is showing Louis how to fish in the first picture and then cowering in fear when Louis actually casts the line because he’s totally certain Louis is going to kill them both somehow. It’s a legitimate fear. I don’t know that I’d trust Louis, either.

Followed by boat lounging.

And sometimes they go on movie dates, too.

Flawless people. Liam is holding his shoe. Congatuwelldone.

I just have this image of Louis clutching Liam’s arm in the movie theater and being like, “omg LIAM MAKE IT BETTER.” (Also, Louis is still Iron Man and Liam is still Captain America in case you forgot.)

And now I can just imagine Niall, Liam and Louis being crammed into the backseat of a car with Niall in the middle while Liam and Louis are all, “And then when Bane did-“, “I could not believe it! How did that even happen?”, “Anne Hathaway is so fit”, and “WE SHOULD GO SEE IT AGAIN.” Because movie dates are their thing.

Or other dates. They do other dates too. They just like each other a whole lot and spend lots of time together.

Like getting food/coffee and going shopping and what not.

At some point, my brain refused to accept that these were from anything but their days as college roommates. I don’t know why, but that’s what I’m left to deal with so that’s the explanation you’re getting.

Their college years involved late night food runs.

And then this is obviously from their trip to Sweden after their second year. (It’s plain as day, I’d be surprised if you didn’t see that.)


Also sports. They like sports.

Although for them a lot of the time it seems “sports” just kind of means they like hitting balls with their heads.

Zayn remains the star of most of these Lilo gifs… actually, Zayn in this gif very much resembles me watching this gif. Tangent aside, Lilo have skilled head-eye coordination, so obviously they were meant to be together forever. (My tinhatting skills are impressive, aren’t they?)

Oh and also they apparently do double dates, too!

First of all, how are all of these people so attractive? They look like they just walked out of a clothing catalog. Also, this is so sweet it makes me want to traumatize young children just to rebalance the world.

But yeah, they both have girlfriends and they have the weirdest/best reaction ever to being asked about it.

Because when I’m asked if I’m in a relationship, I tend to sling my arm over a person I am not in a relationship with. (?!?) It’s beautiful. They clearly have relationship solidarity. In my head, they spend hours talking to each other about it and unloading feelings to each other because they’re the only two who understand!!! (… lol oh and Zayn. I forget about Zayn sometimes. I think Zayn forgets about Zayn sometimes.)

I mean, at least Liam’s girlfriend is okay with sharing Liam with Louis.

Hah. Funny joke. Or… possibly an actual thing that happens because this band was born from mother, Fan, and father, Service. 

Interviewer: Getting… love kisses…?
Louis: Love bites.
Interviewer: Ok… from within the band?
Liam: I usually get them from Louis. Americans call them hickeys, I think. ‘Cause I’ve got a girlfriend, and she’s like, “who’s that?”
Interviewer: And she’ll never believe that.

Okay. OKAY. But maybe they just happened to joke about it that once. People joke about things. You need to chill out and stop taking everything so seriously, self.

Liam: Louis tried to give me a love bite the other day! We were in rehearsals and he came over and started giving me one. I didn’t know what to do.

Liam, it’s taking you an awful long time to react to the dude sucking on your neck, there. Maybe you should go to a doctor and get your reflexes checked?

Louis: Has Liam told you that I give him love bites to make his girlfriend paranoid?
Liam: He does it at the most inappropriate moments. Like just before we go on stage.

Liam: [Louis tweaks Liam’s nipples.] Get away from my nipples! Can somebody stop this boy! [Louis jumps at Liam.] He’s trying to bite my face…

… so maybe it is a real thing. That happens. Regularly. Because oh. my. god. Why must they be this way? I mean “[Louis tweaks Liam’s nipples.]” was a thing that was typed up and printed in a magazine. Howwwwwww.

So on top of love bites, Louis enjoys vying for Liam’s attention with nipple tweaking and touching too.

Liam, what did you think was going to happen? Don’t just sit there. Do something.


Yes, grab his hand. A little faster, though.

Casually searching for a nipple. Liam preempts the tweak by giving Louis the attention he craves. (Seriously, this is how Louis asks for attention.)

I’m surprised Liam isn’t flinching here from PTSD. You are too trusting, Liam.

It has finally happened so much that Liam knows exactly when and where it’s coming from. Louis still wins because it ends with them holding hands, which was clearly the original intention.



Liam: [Louis comes over and tweaks Liam’s right nipple.] Owww - it’s always that nipple as well. You always hurt me, Louis.

You always hurt him, Louis. There are other ways to get his attention. Although, none of them seem to work better than abuse. … as such, there are a lot of instances of abuse.

Input: Alcohol and face poking. Output: Hand-holding.

This dangerous behavior of rewarding Louis for being a monster has left Liam in a general world of hurt and physical pain.

Umbrella to the face. Who cares about pointy edges?

Louis Tomlinson: Menace and/or velociraptor?

Oh sorry, dude, I didn’t mean to knock you over. Here let me make it better by actually kicking you while you’re down.

Liam has a strong back. So let’s push him down and then stand on him because he’ll be able to take that. (Liam, why do you take it? You are not a physically small person. Maybe Louis is testing this, too.)

Louis just thought Liam’s face needed to be poked by a microphone.

Crotch slap.

To be fair, he apologized for that one:

A man’s crotch is not to be toyed with. (Hear that, Harry?)

Okay, I guess Louis will make some exceptions.

Wait, now Liam is trying to give Louis attention and he’s abusing him? This relationship is just exhausting.

Liam is not amused at all.

Now he’s a little amused.

Just some minor face stroking.

He literally cannot stop himself from caressing Liam’s cheek.

Liam’s face is not your personal plaything, Louis.

Err… okay maybe it is? That’s a lot of slapping. Pigtails, really.

This is a metaphor. The bear is Louis.

Liam doesn’t take all this lying down, though. Okay. He fights back.

He’s just not very good at it.

Lou’s kind of intimidating, alright?

I think we can say this relationship is not always the healthiest. Liam is just trying to be like you, Louis. He needs some practice.

Um. Nevermind. That looked pretty successful. Idiots. They are idiots.

Mostly, though, Liam just enjoys pretending to fight with Louis.

… and standing over him and dragging him across stage. He enjoys that too. Really, I would really appreciate it if they just wouldn’t do this. BAD LIAM. BAD LOUIS. TIMEOUT.

And sometimes they just mutually abuse each other because they can. Their relationship is fueled by teasing. Maybe Louis is like Cinderella except instead of a timer, he has teasing and instead of a pumpkin carriage and mouse servants he has his ass. Basically, what I’m saying is he’s not like Cinderella at all but he teases Liam like his ass is on the line.

Snowball fights!

I don’t know what this is. Faux-karate? Faux-kickboxing?

Ultimately, though, Lilo is the best ever because they have everything. And yes, being stupid and trolling and brodating and abusing each other are totally magnificent things. But every good ship needs touching. And. Well. These two are like cuddly bears. Or y’know, Care Bears. (Although, did Care Bears really cuddle? I guess not. Helloooo stream of consciousness.)

A wild Louis appears! Louis used Surprise Cuddles on Liam! It’s super effective!

Barf you two are pretty.

Just sitting pressed up against each other despite the fact that the rest of this couch is totally unused.

Hug/grab thing.

Climbing all over each other and also Liam’s hair, how you doin’?

Liam decides to sit on Louis. Louis’ hands automatically extend out to help him settle in to place.

Still sitting on top of each other.

That’s just Liam resting his head on Louis’s butt. nbd.

This is their ~moment in “Forever Young” and awwwwwwww.

Whole arm around the shoulder/neck.

Best of mates. They ARE. And then Louis pulls Liam in to him because there was definitely way too much space between them. I mean, you could nearly see the couch between them!!!

You know most people walk without other people hanging on them.

Apparently they didn’t believe me. Hey Liam, you should get closer, there are still some parts of Louis’s back that you’re not all over.

No but really guys it would be really good for my mental stability if you would just please take a few steps away from each other while walking. Please?

;_; take it away.

THIS INTERVIEW. Horrible. I don’t even want to think about it but I am and WHAT IS GOING ON IN THAT SECOND GIF?!? Louis’s hand goes behind his back and I don’t know. I don’t know. Both of those grins are killing me.

More groping and petting and holding and like purring into each other’s chest because THAT’S PRETTY MUCH WHAT IS HAPPENING THE ENTIRE TIME THIS INTERVIEW IS TAKING PLACE. Kill me now.

Liam is uh. Broad. He grabs Louis’s less broad shoulders. This happens more than once.

I bet Liam has strong hands. Wanna see something gross?

That’s Louis’s face in this gif.

Liam is certainly excited about something.

……………………………………….. do you want to talk about this? Because I don’t.

But. Why. Tho.

Don’t fret, Liam will protect you.

Sometimes they cuddle on/near/around a piano. I just really find pianos aesthetically pleasing so INDULGE THIS SMALL SECTION, PLEASE.

There is not a more precious way for two people to be arranged around a piano than this.

OH JUST KIDDING. Louis’s smile is probably some untapped energy source that environmental scientists should start studying.

They probably sound horrible but in my head the music they’re making is like the work of Jesus.

Usually I use “jumping all over each other” in a somewhat figurative manner but it can be used at face value with these two inseparable soul-sucking demons.

Apparently they haven’t quite mastered going in reverse. Liam should probably get his license before they try again.

When the mood strikes, you just gotta jump on the nearest bro.

This is their Christmas card. Seasons greetings from the Tomlinson-Paynes.

Liam is one of Louis’s major forms of transportation.

Quickly. losing. cognitive. function.

Abort. Abort.

Liam finishes greeting fans, walks inside and immediately hugs Louis and picks him up because I DON’T KNOW WHY THAT’S WHY. I could say because reasons but it’s really because not reasons.

Liam and Louis’s hands are like magnets. Once they reach a certain distance, they snap together and become bound by the laws of physics. Don’t blame them for it, okay? It’s SCIENCE. (I’m a scientist, you can trust me on this one.)

Sometimes this means a stupid high-five.

Their high-fives are so distinctly stupid I’m almost certain they rehearse them.

And still kind of fail sometimes. But look at Liam’s face. This is serious. business.

So yeah, I don’t know why I find their high-fives so endearing but I do because I am broken. I’m falling to pieces. Lying naked on the floor. My world crumbles when they are not near.

But most of the time, hand-near-hand ends in hand-holding.

Hands touching hands. And tummies.

Do they like hurting me?

I want to know the concept for this photoshoot and how it ended up with Louis laying on top of Liam sideways with their hands clasped together and then I want to thank the shoot director by sending him/her a gift basket full of charcoal and dead squirrels.

Casual hand holding and stroking and resting of chin on head and who let them be this way?

QUIZ TIME:  The reason for this gif existing is a) Louis hates me b) Liam hates me c) this gif-maker hates me d) I hate myself or e) all of the above.

This is emotional terrorism and I’m the one who’s making the bomb but I JUST CAN’T STOP IT. Oh god, it’s a sickness.

When they tire of hands, they go to other body parts.

Nothing wrong with a little pat on the butt.

Or, y’know a hold of the butt.

It’s really just being friendly.

Maybe a little squeeze in there too, I don’t know.

Maybe a little hip action is more your speed? (Also, how horrible would Liam and Louis be as flight attendants?)

Boob grab.

Or stroke of the chin

They are rather comfortable there.

It’s just a kiss on your hands in the moonlight.

Here solely for the novelty of Bieber-haired Liam being this touchy. (And he really does have impressive arms, doesn’t he?)

For some people (read: normal human beings, abnormal human beings and humanoid-like extraterrestrials), whispering does not require touching. For Lilo, it’s a full contact sport.

Hey Louis your shoulder is awfully nice and your ear tastes rather salty today.

Seriously, Liam. There is no need to press your entire body into his.

OUT, damned spot. OUT

Louis, that’s Liam’s cheek/jaw/mouth, not ear. I mean, what’s the point of the hand if you’re not even going to tilt his head the right amount?

Fuck. Off.

Whispering? Nuzzling? Soul-fusing? You decide.

That actually sort of resembles whispering.

The hand.

Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa. :(

There are times when it’s nice to ship attractive people because then you can just be shallow and enjoy two people being pretty near each other! And so let’s do that, yeah? Let’s just let pretty people be pretty.

Louis is playing unfair here. Luckily for the sake of everyone, Liam’s aviators are resting in his pocket and not on his face. That would be too much.

Swoopy hair!

I think they just both look good in red. And if you didn’t catch on from all the comments I’ve made, I am a fan of Liam’s curls. (They rest nicely between so horribly attractive I want to bash my face against a wall and actual dad hair.)

Okay. I just like laughing at Liam’s everything from this day. The sex hair, the popped collar, the low neckline, the boots. It’s just an overwhelming visual experience. Louis looks nice, though.

Matching pretty people being pretty.

Somewhat certain that the color has been screwed with but I don’t care because Liam/purple is now my OTP. (Lou looks tiiiny.)

GQMF’ers being GQ at GQ.

Everything about the “One Thing” music video was a gift from the gods.

Dapper. Liam has nice vests. Louis has nice face.

I just stan Liam’s curls so hard, guys. Not sure what’s going on with Louis’s hair here but he gives excellent face.

Louis rocks the denim.

I enjoy how seriously concerned Liam looks for Louis’s safely here, but mostly I enjoy all the purple, which is weird because I’ve never been particularly fond of purple.

Time to finish up this primer by regaining a little bit of sanity and go back to the laughing.

THIS ENTIRE CHAIN OF EVENTS. Liam is a Leona Lewis fanboy. Fans got Leona to follow Liam. LOUIS SAW AND WOKE LIAM UP apparently by squirting shampoo at him? idk idk. Liam then fanboyed. Anyway it’s adorable and I love them.

While we’re on the topic of miscellaneous stories that fit nowhere else but I had in my head I was going to include in this primer so damnit, I’m including it. Liam is a fan of Louis’s underwear.

There’s Liam holding Louis’s underwear. Fun.

Liam: Louis has got some really amazing boxer shorts.

And talking about them!

Watch as Liam is an idiot:

Louis is somewhat concerned before he realizes that Liam is being an idiot.

Watch as Louis is an idiot:

Liam is somewhat concerned before he realizes that Louis is being an idiot. Then he laughs because he actually thinks Louis is the funniest person in the world.

Fan:  If you could marry another band member, who would it be and why?
Liam: If I could marry another member, I would probably marry Louis because I think he is hilarious.

Louis can actually do anything and Liam will laugh. Case in point:

That’s really not that funny, Liam. But you wouldn’t know because you have Louis-tinted glasses on.


I don’t know what Liam is reacting to here but I bet it was stupid.

If that’s not proof that Liam will laugh at anything Louis says, I don’t know what is.

Liam: Even in a situation where I may be a little mad at him, the person who can make me smile is Louis.

Let’s go look at kittens laughing so more because it’s less painful than ripping my chest open and throwing my guts into the Hudson.

Like actual baby animals. They actually could be baby animals here. How are they so happy? Why are they so happy? I don’t think I’ve ever been that happy in my life.

Ugh, Liam just falls into Louis’s side with uncontrollable laughter because he thinks the world is hilarious.

:D arm pat!

Up to no good, clearly

This meet & greet was magical and made of puppies or something because the Lilo was out of control and ugh. SO much ugh.

Face-to-neck is always fun.

Liam: Louis, even though he’s crazy 100% of the time. He’s really good at giving advice and helping you out with things and making you smile if you’re down. If I ever get mad at Louis for something or we ever fall out, he’ll make me laugh in a second. And that’s why I’ll never fall out with Louis because we’ll be laughing straight away.

Louis: I like kinda just sitting down and chatting with Liam about more serious stuff. If you’re feeling a bit down, come and chat with daddy Liam.

Basically LILO IS EVERYTHING THAT IS GOOD IN THE WORLD and this post got totally out of hand but ugh, they’re just so perfect. The teasing and the trolling and the abuse and the fun and the touching and the pretty and the adoration. It’s all too much.

« Part 3 (Liam/Zayn)

« Part 2 (Liam/Harry)

« Part 1 (Liam/Niall)


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    Okay I’ve never even given Lilo any though because i was always so goddamn focused on Larry but this is all just so...
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